Why do I always feel so crappy?

Ok, first off - I don't always feel crappy. All kinds of things make me happy and I appreciate all that stuff. I have a particular thought in mind with this question and here it is:

I have a friend, or at least a colleague I work with, and occasionally go for walks with. I think she is fantastic. She's original, principled, and people, everyone I know that knows her, really like her. Me too.

But I always end up hating myself when I spend time with her. And I really don't like that. At the end of most conversations I have with her, I end up feeling like I don't do my job well enough, I don't interact with people appropriately, I don't do enough for my country, other people's countries, or the environment, I don't repsect the rights of anyone etc.

Am I really such a lousy person? I'm not sure anymore.

My friend isn't in my face about any of this. She just has a way of making you think about these things, and I guess that's a good thing. But feeling like your a peice of crap all day isn't a good thing. I don't know.

Here's a specific example. This one has hit me before. Its recurring, so it might be important. My friend is really uncofortable during loud confrontation. She doesn't wither and die or anything, but she certainly backs out of discussions as soon as they start to get loud. This is a problem for me. I was raised surrounded by loud, Italian men who yell by nature. It is not actually confrontational for them, its just the way they communicate. All of my family (which isn't actually Italian) is like that. We get louder the more excited we get, and when we really get into a discussion, we raise our voices.

So many people think that 'staying calm' is essential and that you are losing control if you raise your voice. I do understand that yelling bothers some people. Me, I am the other way. Nothing frustrates me more than someone who clams up when something needs to be said, or when it is said calmly, matter-of-factly. This gives me the feeling that they are not even considering other alternatives. That they can only hear their own, calm and restrained idea.

The thing is, why am I wrong and why is the calm person right? Why should I feel like crap because I like to raise my voice when I am excited enough to talk about something. When I am one-on-one, I respect my friend's point-of-view and discuss things with her in the manner which she prefers. But when we are in a group, I let loose like everyone else and then feel crappy about it later.

I don't know what to think anymore about any of this. I like that ny friend pushes me to think outside my box. But I am sick of feeling crappy.

That's it for now.